Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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