it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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