and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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