You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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