just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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