I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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