My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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