I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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