I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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