Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize