well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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