i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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