i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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