battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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