you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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