I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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