Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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