I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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