my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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