I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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