Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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