batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize