ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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