i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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