You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize