i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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