He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize