I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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