onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize