I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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