Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize