After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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