Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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