if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
false alarm. still invincible.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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