dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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