Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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