I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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