you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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