do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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