If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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