omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize