he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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