They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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