he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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