i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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