i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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