she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize