You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize