i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize