my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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